Anna Be.

I just booked a hotel room for two nights in November. The hotel is about 5 minutes from my house. I will go for one night of utter solitude and then hand it off to Nick to take a night away from home. If it is in your means and you have also not been alone in 7 months, I recommend a 24 hour retreat. I can make this recommendation from my vast experience having done it for the first time 4 days ago. Here's a sampling of what I did during my 24-hour retreat: Wrote uninterrupted for several hours. Watched a documentary about Abraham Lincoln. Watched MTV's Ghosted, because I'm both high brow and low brow. Watched CNN because I am pretty middle brow too, if we're honest. Ordered a steak dinner and ate it in courses over the entire evening. Ate 6 Reese's cups (which are banned in our house due to allergy). Set an alarm for 10 a.m., the latest I could possibly sleep. (Woke up at 8 a.m. anyway.) Made every decision considering only what I wanted and not the wants and needs...

What if I turned this site in to a daily personal journal that no one reads instead of trying to keep it as a professional base that I never update? I mean, I can do what I want. Remember when blogging was different?

Which day am I counting from? Day 5 since the world changed (for us) or Day 3 since our last possible exposure to the virus? Once we get into double-digit days it won't make much difference, will it. I thought I would use this blog for something, just a quick list of what's going on with us. 1. I'm ordering a dough hook so we can make bread. We have a subscription to ATK's Young Chef's Club  (not sponsored). When I signed up a few months ago, I thought it would be a good way to extend Lizzie's feeding and sensory therapy. Now... 2. Lizzie's therapy is suspended until this virus passes. She has come so far in the last 6 months with preschool and extra therapy. She will keep growing. I just wish... 3. She could be with her friends, teachers, and therapists. She asks about them every day. At least... 4. Mamie was able to Zoom with her teacher and class yesterday. I know her school is going to develop the best remote learning set up we could ask for. A...

This weekend we celebrate Mamie's 6th birthday... how did that happen? It just happens. We cry and fight and make up songs. We learn to be brave together. And then you wake up on a Sunday morning and you have a 6-year-old in Hogwarts pajamas. A few years ago, I got to share how we decided to name/nickname Mamie. I Love My Kid's Unusual Name When she started kindergarten this year, her nickname was all but slayed by bureaucratic forms. Despite me only ever referring to her as Mamie, her school adults only ever call her Mary. I wanted to defend her at first, speak up for using her preferred name! Then she said, "No, I like Mary." And I thought, W ell why shouldn't she? It's the name we gave her.  So I guess we've adopted the compromise that many families of nicknamed kids have -- she is Mary at school and Mamie everywhere else. And I'm leaving it entirely up to her what she is called. She prefers not to be called Jelly Head, and I'm tryin...

Four years ago, I wrote about parenting without family nearby for Good Housekeeping: I Wish We Were Raising Our Daughter Closer to Family Now we have a second daughter, and we are still many many miles from their grandparents. It doesn't seem as hard now, and here's why: Grandparents and other family take the time and energy to visit us several times a year. Not more than a few months go by without someone bunking in our guest room, and the girls know and love all of their family. We make those trips too. When we haul these kids 12+ hours in the car, we like to stay a few weeks and make ourselves at home. Thankfully, we are always welcome. The girls' aunt is now only a few hours away. It makes such a difference to know someone is "close". For the kids, long distance relationships are the norm. They know how to FaceTime, and take full advantage of their grandparents' attention.  We've made "family" here. Friends turn into confidants, s...

A Book That Takes Its Time  from the editors of Flow Magazine ...and I am very much taking my time to read it. "Read" is not even the right word. I'm consuming it? Completing it? Frankly, I'm reading a few pages every few weeks and snipping, noting, and pondering as I go. I'm obsessed with everything from Flow -- the magazine itself, the annual Book for Paper Lovers, all the special editions and doodads. It is for people who love paper, graphic design, journaling, slowing down, planning, and quirky Euro vibes.

Fifteen Minutes Outside: 365 Ways to Get Out of the House and Connect with Your Kids by   Rebecca P. Cohen My kids don't need much excuse to get outside, but this helps me do it. Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls by   T Kira Madden This makes me want to be a better writer. The Mood Guide to Fabric and Fashion: The Essential Guide from the World's Most Famous Fabric Store by   Johnny Miller   (Photographer) ,    Tim Gunn   (Foreword) I bought this at Mood on a girls' trip to NYC a few years ago. It makes me want to be creative. Inspection by   Josh Malerman From the author of Bird Box; I'm listening to this one while I fold laundry this weekend.

I haven't done a great job of sharing my latest writing! So here we go, catching up on the last couple of months. In Huffington Post How I am teaching my small daughters to play Patriarchy Chicken In Bustle Looking Back On Elizabeth Wurtzel's 'Prozac Nation,' 25 Years After Its Release In Folks Hands as big as pillows, and other weird migraine symptoms How I learned to stop worrying and accept being bald In Lifehacker A guide to feeding your picky eater How to keep your toddler safe and secure A guide to handling your toddler's evening meltdown In Hello Giggles How I stopped comparing myself to the ideal "yoga body" that doesn't actually exist In Healthline Why denying that your loved one has dementia can be dangerous

I was recently told by someone who knows me very well that I conceal my anxiety like a cool cucumber. Maybe that's true, and not everyone in the whole world knows I've been struggling with anxiety and panic since Lizzie was born. Well, first, it is getting better. :D I was able to write about it for Romper.com! My Baby's Appointments Triggered Panic Attacks, But I Learned To Cope "I found that staying aware of tangible things around me left less mental space for catastrophizing."

(I originally shared this list as a guest post on Librarian for Life and Style  a few years ago.) What is your personal style?  I am constantly exploring what that question means to me — how to find inspiration, be different, be myself, stay frugal, be age- and shape-appropriate, decide if I care about age- or shape-appropriateness. Beyond the question of  What do I wear today?  is the joy in an aimless exploration of my own style potential. Here are some of my favorite books for that kind of daydreaming. 1. The Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style: How to Wear Iconic Looks and Make Them Your Own Though  The Lucky Guide to Mastering Any Style  is seven years old, I feel the styles are iconic enough to remain inspirational for many more years. When I first bought this, I labeled myself California Casual and Bohemian, but now I’m feeling a little Arty Slick and Posh Eclectic. Though it’s not important to find a mold and cram yourself into it, this guid...

This essay I wrote for Parents.com in December has been shared 1,800 times! My Husband Running Makes Me Rage & Here is What I Do About It I spent plenty of time feeling bitter about how easy it is for my husband to take time away from our kids to relax, and then I decided to borrow his secrets for self-care.

Rent medium-sized Dumpster. Send husband and children to a hotel for a weekend. A three-day weekend. Fly my mom and closest girl friends to San Antonio (like, only the people I would trust to bail me out of jail.)  Empty 90 percent of contents of closets, bags, and cabinets into Dumpster. Take mom and friends to spa.

I wrote this essay (originally published by Mom Babble) in 2015. I was just reading it today and reliving some of that enthusiasm for activity! And remember when I was running, pushing Mamie in that stroller every day? Well I figure I have one more year at home with Lizzie, and I'm ready to recapture some moments on the road and at the gym with her. I'm Healthier Because of My Daughter(s) Mamie laughs at the leaves falling on her stroller, complains when I tease them out of her mouth. This is our third walk around the neighborhood today, shooting for a goal of three miles. This toddler is my shield, a salve to soothe the awkwardness I would feel if I were out here alone. I am no stranger to attempts at personal wellness. I have notebooks full of food logs, exercise logs, and blood sugar logs, stretching back a decade. I never imagined a baby’s motivating influence would trump every trick I had tried before.  From the second she sparked into existence, my child has ...

It was our first post-baby date night nearly five years ago. With time to spare before our dinner reservation, we were kicked back in the hip understuffed chairs of our favorite coffee shop -- a luxury I hadn't experienced since the little one started sucking all the chill out of my days. Except that I wasn't... relaxed. I was taking shallow breaths and squirming to find any position that didn't make me wince. I excused myself to the restroom and came back a few sweaty minutes later with the flesh colored sausage-casing shapewear in my purse. In those few minutes I made the calculation: I could look lumpy or I could look miserable.  Happy lumpiness won! And my husband said he couldn't tell the difference. Let's be frank. I am a big, fat girl, and no article of shapewear is going to disguise that. I don't actually need a disguise -- my body is not an arch villain trying to infiltrate a world of tight, smooth midsections. The early-2000s brought a surge...

Early 1980s, summer smells like pool water and cheese crackers from the vending machine at the city pool. And 7-Up in a can because at least one summer, it seemed like we had endless cases of 7-Up in the porch fridge. (I assume you are familiar with the porch fridge.) I don't know who took me to the pool (Mom? Grammaw?); I don't know if I wore a seatbelt in the backseat; I don't know if anyone ever put sunscreen on me. But I know what the combination of pool water, cheese crackers, and 7-Up smells like -- a sense memory 35 years old. Early 1990s, summer smells like pool water, cigarette smoke, and NO-AD tanning lotion in Stacey's backyard. After the sun set, it smelled like plumeria lotion on hot tanned skin and B.C. Moore's parking lot. I never got close enough to a boy to smell Drakkar Noir. Stacey's mom is gone since last year, and no one smokes cigarettes anymore. I feel so deeply hurt for my oldest friend to have lost her mother and so disorient...

Saturday night I tried really hard to get out of cooking dinner. No, I'm not perpetually steam-drenched, hunched over the stove every night, just looking for one night off. I have just about every night off because Nick cooks most of the time, and when it's my turn, I tap into my arsenal of delivery services. This is not how my mama raised me. Saturday night, I did, very begrudgingly, grate carrots and sauté bokchoy and glaze chicken. Nick said, "You don't seem to like cooking." But... but... but , I wanted to defend myself, I  know how  to cook; I  used to  cook; I  used to like  cooking. Things change. For example, kids. Feeding kids for the last 4.5 years has consumed me, no apology for the pun. My obsession with managing their growth and nutrition is totally separate from cooking. It's a mental tally of macronutrients and micronutrients; it's creating the perfect veggie snack plate with every cucumber slice salted; it's composing and bl...

I just created a document to list the words I've heard Lizzie say. I count 14, but I haven't consulted with Nick or her grandparents to see if I've missed any. I'm doing this homework so when people question me about her development, I can say assuredly whether or not she is meeting her milestones. This week I was ashamed to not know whether she typically leads with her right or left foot, or if she often kneels while playing, and if so, are her hips bent or straight? What direction does the third finger on her left hand point while she lays in bed on the night of a full moon? There are so many things I didn't realize I should be noticing. I hate all those stupid f**king lists of milestones. I can't articulate it any better than that. So many nagging lists of things a child "should" be doing. I think "should" implies some moral imperative or an obligation to meet external expectations, and I swear the word doesn't apply to a baby. T...

I was prepared to ask for a do-over on Week 1 of 2018. I have legit excuses, right? Husband rang in the new year in a hospital bed far away from home? We barely got back home by midnight on Wednesday -- half the week was gone before it even started! Last night (Saturday), I was about 50 percent done with my ambitious plans for the week. But it turns out that Sunday can be a powerful day for productivity. Today, a miracle happened: I unpacked my suitcase less than a week after returning from a trip. Then another miracle happened: I organized my sock drawer. And another: I convinced Nick to run an errand and bring me coffee while I took a bath in the middle of the afternoon. As it turns out, this whole week telescoped to pack in so many things a normal, less magical week would not have accommodated: We spent three extra days in Atmore with family, and got to see a full supermoon in the country -- it would not have been possible from our house in San Antonio. Li...

When I got pregnant the second time, I was waiting for that stage to end before I would live my life. Exercise, activities with kids, travel, writing, house projects... Then after the Lizzie came and things were so complicated, I still found myself waiting until she was older, waiting to get out of tangle of doctor appointments.  Then I was planning to start life after both kids were in school, at least three years away! Enough!  Anything I want to do can be adapted to start now, incorporating the kids and whatever challenges we face in our plans.  Some dreams may be better suited for the future, but there will be no more blanket attitude of putting things off for later when it would presumably be easier or less busy.  There is no perfect time, but the best time could be now.