Anna Be.

Today is the official first day of my self-employment after the long weekend. I have exercised, studied, read, finished sewing the quilt top for Lori's baby, and folded a good deal of laundry. Productivity is obviously a key component of my sabbatical. Over the next six months, I will take seven classes and finish my master's in library science. I will also be writing, sewing, and getting into shape for a half-marathon in November. If the weather's nice I'm going to get a good tan. If the weather's not nice, I'm going to spoil my cats. I'm going to take vacations and read a couple of books a week. I'm going to cook Nick's dinner and keep the kitchen clean. If life starts to feel too domestic, I'm going to spend a day at the coffee shop, writing. It's the happiest time because I can do what I want, be what I want. What do I want to be? A student, an artist, a writer, an athlete, a hippie, a person of great wit and depth! I want to be...

Last Sunday, Nick and I participated in the 3M relay half-marathon in Austin. He took the first leg -- 6.4 miles -- while I did the second leg -- 6.7 miles. The morning started about 6, still dark, very cold and windy. After an hour delay, the first half of the race finally started and I just had to wait for Nick to show up and tag me in. I was so far from confident. Thankfully, Nick was faster than either of us expected, giving me a good lead time. You may remember my last race experience, the San Antonio Rock N Roll Half Marathon in November. The heart-breaking truth of that race was that I was too slow to stay ahead of the sweepers and got pushed out at mile 6. I know I didn't get any faster since then, so I was expecting the same sort of thing. Did I mention it was pretty cold Sunday morning? Exercising in cold air tends to give me asthma. Half a mile into my leg of the race I was having an asthma attack, and everyone around me was passing me. I stopped at the portypot...

Image via Wikipedia It's now only 3.5 months until the half marathon and I have seriously backslid in my training. It feels like I am starting over, but the difference this time is I have more confidence than I did a year ago. I know if I will just put in the hours I can get to the point of going 13.1 miles without dying. Nick and I will go to the park in the morning for some walk/run time. That could actually be appealing if I weren't typing this at 2 a.m. after trying to fall asleep for 2 hours. I guess I damaged myself by sleeping til noon today, but it was my last official day of summer. Yes, it's back to work on Monday, though the girls don't start back until Aug. 17. HOWEVER, we will leave next Thursday for our vacation, a week in Cape Cod with Nick's family. It's my first time to experience a New England beach, but for Nick it was a childhood annual event. They say the water is cold. Guess how great cold water sounds when you've endured a few ...

Let me tell you about the last two 5ks I did before yesterday. They were in November 2008 and 2007, both at my husband's workplace, a gorgeous wooded compound not far from where we live. Both times I ached and hobbled all the way to the end with very little running. Both times I had frequent moments of cursing myself for thinking I could do anything so fit or active. And at the heart of it I felt ashamed for being so weak. The physical pain and emotional insecurity made them unenjoyable, made me unable to even feel proud when they were over. I just felt frustrated that I couldn't do better. I didn't know until yesterday's Race for the Cure was over how much better it would be. I wanted to run. And when it was over I wanted to run some more. (Not at that moment, but you know, in the future.) That desire to run in the future will be important for that little ol' half-marathon in November, see? Right now my desire is to run twice a week and weight train four ...