It started in January. The doctors said, "If you want us to build you another sciencebaby, you have to stop being diabetic. Go!" I appreciate a challenge, and I was determined. I started seeing my endocrinologist monthly, taking more medication each time, acquiring a continuous glucose monitor, living a model diabetic lifestyle. I thought a few months, no big deal, I can do this. Every month's test results were a disappointment. I didn't have bad test results, mind you. My labs were always marked "Excellent" -- by diabetic standards. Regardless, I was chasing a unicorn, trying to meet an unattainable standard, be cured of a disease that doesn't just go away when you ask it to. That means nine months of neurotic attention to blood sugar readings, food, exercise. Nine months of recurrent guilt for not being able to meet the goal. Today I had another appointment with the endocrinologist. I've worried about it all week, wanted to cry from