Saturday, January 31, 2015

We're still runners!

This is a family of runners who just stepped outside to see the rain would indeed curtail their 5k plans.  They went out for coffee and book shopping instead.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

1. Breathe

Dear Diary,
I'm going to the dentist tomorrow, and I'm so nervous.  It's not at all rational, so I can't even reason with myself.  I have spent weeks (months, honestly) working up to it and trying to get rid of my phobia.  Even earlier today, I thought, "I'm looking forward to this!" But now, I can feel each minute ticking me closer to the chair.  I'm a little overwhelmed with thoughts about what all I have to do tomorrow.  I have to take a shower, feed the baby, take care of her, make sure the grandparents are taken care of until the babysitter comes at 2:30, get myself to the dentist office, not fall apart.  Most of these things are not terribly taxing on a normal day, but tomorrow I will be in an extremely heightened state of frazzle.

I think I will write on my hand the only things I really need to remember:

  1. Breathe.
  2. Take care of the baby.
If I can just repeat those two things until 2:30, maybe the rest will take care of itself.

Nick says I'm going to like this dentist, there are no sharp metal instruments, he didn't feel anything, they will give me gas.  I may need to write those things on my hand too.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Why have strollers become such a philosophical debate to me?

I was just reading Your Giant Stroller is Ruining It for the Rest of Us, and I don't quite know if I'm one of the jerks, or how my stroller behavior fits into society.

Most places I stroll with Mamie, she is a magnet for attention and cooing. However, in those places populated by young cool people, she gets me absolutely no special treatment. I think that mom/baby pairs are invisible to young singles, and I'm sure I had the same attitude at the time.

See my tummy?  I'm cute.
Yes, I have squeezed a giant stroller in tighter places than I should have, but I also have to get this human from place to place somehow! And I'm drowning half the time and just give me a break, ok?  I didn't even know how big my strollers were when I got them because I was drowning in a sea of WTF do I do to take care of this baby??

I just recently got a new (umbrella) stroller which is teeny and should not annoy anyone, really. But the decision about which stroller to get opened up a lot of questions in my mind about how much our strollers (or other baby paraphernalia) are essentially status symbols. How is that $1,000 stroller 20x better than my $50 stroller?  I do have one expensive stroller for running, and that is absolutely essential (in a sort of not-really-literal way). But it is worth it to us as people who want to incorporate the baby and activity into our lifestyle.

By not spending tens of thousands on strollers, nursery furniture, european toys and onesies, we can get spendy on trips and museum memberships and books.  I do NOT think one choice is better than the other, it's just a reflection of what's important to us. I'm afraid that still sounds judgey. I really don't mean for it to.

Oh! And we have to save up for concerts because Mamie is asking to go see Sleater-Kinney with Daddy.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

It's not you, it's us. I don't think we're a good match.

Just not a good match.
Nearly ten years ago, a doctor told me diabetes would kill me, it was just a matter of how soon. I couldn't see the benefit of his ugly, callous prediction. I couldn't see the benefit of being locked into a medical relationship with someone who saw me as a hopeless expiration date. I decided even with long waits and insurance hurdles, it would always be worth it to find doctors who are supportive and try to understand me as a person.

Today, I broke up with
my obstetrician.

I'm not convinced he's not a good doctor, but he's not a good fit for me.  He has been seeing me for two months to help me prepare for another baby, but I don't think he knows anything about me. Our appointments last less than 5 minutes, he gives me vaguely shaming advice to lose weight, "start" exercising, stop being diabetic. He has never asked me whether I exercise, what I eat, what I do to control my diabetes. He has made assumptions about my lifestyle based on my appearance, which does not help me become healthier.

A few hours ago, I could have ranted about this, used much profanity.  However, I am not going to let this bad visit with an inattentive doctor eat at me any longer. I can take action to resolve the situation, I have requested a new doctor.

I am extremely compliant with medical treatments, I keep appointments, I do research and ask questions. I need partners, a team of professionals to advise me. I need doctors who appreciate partnership, are willing to communicate with me and each other. We should have realistic goals, and I should be a main stakeholder in setting those goals. I know there are doctors who work this way because all of the other doctors on my team do!