Saturday, June 3, 2017

Proud to share this essay about weirdness in marriage and Marfa



Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Who needs a better body (image)?


Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance

By Rosie Molinary

Someone might have alleged that I have body image issues. So I did what I do -- checked out a half-dozen books about body image from the library.

This one I even own! But I checked it out anyway because my library is still not catalogued, and I couldn't find it. Our library is great now, so cozy since we redecorated. That's another subject. 

So allegedly I have these body image/self-esteem issues which are hard to challenge because maybe I have evidence that I'm a grotesque beast, and you present little evidence to the contrary, other than your "opinion". 

I admit, it wouldn't hurt anyone for me to read about radical self-acceptance and maybe do some journaling exercises. So I did the first exercise in this book:

1. What do you want for yourself and the world in terms of beauty perception and body image? How can you act on that today?

I want to feel beautiful every day and love my body no matter it’s shape. I want everyone to recognize their beauty and the beauty in others. I want media to stop judging us and offering to change us. I want appearance to no longer be a punchline or an excuse for derision. I want an enlightenment about the lack of causation between weight and poor health. On that note, poor health should not be an excuse for derision either. Or blame.

What can I do today? I could post this on my blog. 

I know it's taboo to talk about low self-esteem because it makes other people sad. (I made my first therapist cry.) Unless you are a modern master of the self-denigration that's considered holy in our world -- it's totally acceptable to find fault with yourself if the message is draped by a heavy blanket of good intentions for self improvement.

I'm writing this as my perfect child watches cartoons on the floor. I don't want to teach her any of my fucked up self-loathing concepts. I don't know if that earns me self-improvement cred, and I don't care.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

I'm about to disassemble an appliance up in here

... because my husband said it's something I'm "interested in." Taking apart the dishwasher. Is this a latent interest of mine? More interesting than calling a repairman and having a day ruined by the intrusion?

Oh yeah, it sure is.

Sunday, January 8, 2017

An insomniac who just can't be satisfied

I had an essay published on Parent.co over the holidays.... read here:

The Value of Late-Night Solitude: A Former Insomniac’s Lament

My insomnia is cured. I take my medication, turn off the lights, and fall straight to sleep. Waking up rested, having energy all day, productivity, and better moods – I am not ungrateful for these benefits.
But a little part of me misses those wakeful late nights.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

What I'm reading (when I'm not watching garbage tv or feeding a small person)



The speed of dark

Elizabeth Moon

I am going through a little science fiction phase. I guess I have been for several decades. 











Style forever

Alyson Walsh

This book is for women over 50, so I consider myself advanced for reading it now!














The girl on the train

Paula Hawkins

I know, I'm late. But I started reading it when it was a new release, honestly. This is my phone book, so I only read a few pages at a time while I wait for appointments and such.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Tell me about that time you survived having two little ones at home

I have complained nonstop, so everyone within earshot knows this past year has been hard.  HARD. I was sick/depressed from the second I got pregnant, and Lizzie's good health was in question the whole time.

But now is NOW, and we're all happy. We and the doctors are confident Lizzie's lingering medical issues will resolve in no time. My activities are restricted for a few more weeks, but I feel back to normal 90 percent of the time. Mamie is Big Sister #1, on duty to help with diapers, bottles, pacis, and toys at all times. We are all extremely fortunate that Nick could take a whole month of paternity leave -- I know few people have that luxury.

On Monday, that month ends! I'm not the first person to be home alone with a toddler and a baby, but it will still be a first for me! I am trying to substitute organization for confidence. I am reminding myself the babysitter comes on Wednesday and Thursday, so it's not like I really am on my own all week. I am surveying the internet for tips related to this situation. I welcome all advice, motivational quotes, expressions of solidarity.

Helpful internets:

Monday, May 9, 2016

Toddler Update



Mamie is 2 years, 7 months old and 36 inches tall, which is very tall. Her favorite things are dinosaurs, books, cooking, and outside.

Right this second, her two chicken friends, Peep and Bok, are talking to each other.

"Peep peep"
"Bok."
"Hello, Mom"
"Bok."
"Mom mom."
"Yes, sweetie."

Bok is Peep's mom.

Her hair has grown down to her waist band, and she runs when I say the word "ponytail."

She is trying to learn the word "skull" but usually says "head bone." Daddy has no head bone because he is a jelly head.

She does not nap. You don't have to ask me if she took a nap today, because if she had, I would have called TMZ.

She woke me up for breakfast yesterday and said "Happy Mother's Day." Nick said she did not practice.

She is so patient and happy while Mommy conserves energy to grow her little sister.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

What I'm reading: Kooky and spooky edition

Just finished....

 What is not yours is not yours

Helen Oyeyemi

Mamie likes the shadow puppets on the cover. The library would like for me to return this week-overdue copy because there's a long line of people waiting to read it.

"Modern surreal fairytales" is the best description I have heard of Oyeyemi's work, and I'm a fan. This one makes me want to hear ghost stories.









Just started....

Shirley: A novel

Susan Scarf Merrell

I don't know exactly what to expect yet. How does Shirley Jackson work out as a creepy character outside her own creepy creations?  

Friday, March 4, 2016

Let's ride the time machine and see what was on my mind a year ago! Things were so different.



March 17, 2015
Today’s focus is my diabetes health. I have one month until my next appointment and A1c check.  These are the things I can do for the best outcome but then:
  • Follow insulin regimen
  • Send bs readings to dgd every thursday for adjustments
  • Check blood sugar AT LEAST four times a day
  • Exercise 30 minutes per day
  • Avoid drive thru food and pizza delivery
  • Take all supplements
  • Take fertility tea daily
  • Keep stress down
  • Increase fruit and vegetable consumption during the day
  • Stick to sleep schedule
Most of last year I was so desperate to lower my blood sugar and start fertility treatments. Now I am 20 weeks pregnant and my A1c is lower than it was a year ago. I guess the plan worked!

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

This house is finally getting painted!

You don't want to find out that the person who painted the exterior of your house before you bought it did not use primer.

I started looking for a painter last year and was shocked to get two quotes around 4 times what I expected. I had a few panic attacks and refused to think about it again till this year.

Then, you know, nesting. There are so many things I have vowed to get done before Baby 2 is here, and painting is first on the list. A few weeks ago, I scheduled three more estimates from the top painters on the Better Business Bureau.

1) I canceled because their website was really fancy, and they claimed to work really well with designers. I'm thinking this painter might go beyond the scope of my "just paint it" project.

2) Came over to look at the house and then sent me a rude email claiming the project was beyond what they could tackle to their usual standards. Panic attack. This is so bad I won't be able to find anyone to paint the house at any cost?

3) Incredibly nice contractor with good reputation submits a proposal at the exact right price.

And they start today!