Anna Be.

I'll admit it, I'm a little depressed. I came home from the doctor yesterday, got in the bed, and I haven't gotten out for more than a few minutes since. It should have been a simple appointment -- a few tests to clear me for surgery. However, nothing has been simple for me lately. The EKG -- performed four times by two different nurses while I laid there getting more afraid -- was "abnormal". "This line is supposed to go up, but yours goes down," the doctor said. I know the opposite of right is wrong, the opposite of good is bad, and the opposite of up is down. He said the abnormality could indicate I had a symptomless, "silent" heart attack. Yeah, sit with that a minute. I'm 35 years old, and I feel pretty good except for this cranky neck problem, which can be surgically repaired with a little clearance saying my heart can stand the procedure. Maybe, the doctor said, there is another (harmless) reason for the EKG abnormality. I wi...

My anxieties stand in line all day so they can pop out just when I am ready to go to sleep. Tonight the leaders are all the things the neurosurgeon said were potential risks of this spinal surgery. I don't need to list them here in bold letters, and if it weren't so dark and quiet right now I wouldn't be reminded of them. I would rather think of the potential AWESOMES of spinal surgery: no numbness or pain! no lifting or driving for six weeks! a new short hair cut so it doesn't get tangled in my cervical collar! lots of time to read and nap! I am scheduled to have a discectomy with fusion of two cervical vertebrae on May 24. You can see why in the handy-dandy visual aid to the left. That vertical center line is my spine and the black bulge in the middle of it is the offending disc. So far it is only bad enough to cause pain, numbness, and weakness in my neck, shoulder, arm, and hand. Unchecked, it could eventually cause loss of control of my everything. That's wh...