Sunday, April 5, 2009

Maybe a new era

Let me tell you about the last two 5ks I did before yesterday. They were in November 2008 and 2007, both at my husband's workplace, a gorgeous wooded compound not far from where we live. Both times I ached and hobbled all the way to the end with very little running.

Both times I had frequent moments of cursing myself for thinking I could do anything so fit or active. And at the heart of it I felt ashamed for being so weak. The physical pain and emotional insecurity made them unenjoyable, made me unable to even feel proud when they were over. I just felt frustrated that I couldn't do better.

I didn't know until yesterday's Race for the Cure was over how much better it would be. I wanted to run. And when it was over I wanted to run some more. (Not at that moment, but you know, in the future.)

That desire to run in the future will be important for that little ol' half-marathon in November, see? Right now my desire is to run twice a week and weight train four times a week. I see myself running about 2-4 miles. It's a major breakthrough to imagine doing that without dread or fear of failure.

Over the next seven months, I will shrink so many lbs. it will be easier to envision 5 or 10 miles within myself.

Thanks to my running buddy Nissa's inspiration, I picked up this little gadget today:
This will make it much more realistic to drag my ass more than one mile.
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